Summer Perspective: What I Wish I Knew Sooner

A mid-year reflection on body image, presence, and learning to live again.

There were many summers I showed up, but didn’t really feel like I was there.

I remember wearing oversized t-shirts to the beach, not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want to be seen. I’d sit with friends or family but spend the entire time preoccupied with how I looked sitting down, whether anyone noticed my stretch marks, or how I compared to the other women around me.

And what’s interesting is, my body had bounced back. I had my first child at 19, and physically, I recovered well. I still get compliments from people who can’t believe I’m almost 38 or that I’m a mom of three, including an 18-year-old. Strangers are often surprised when I tell them how old my kids are.

But for years, it didn’t matter how many compliments I received. I didn’t value myself. I was constantly trying to improve, to measure up, to be a version of myself that I thought would finally feel "enough."

I Thought I Had to Be Better

That voice in my head told me I wasn’t quite there yet. Not toned enough. Not pulled together enough. Not glowing enough. Even after my second child at 26, and again after my third at 31, I kept comparing. First it was my stretch marks. Then it was my midsection. Then the faint lines around my eyes.

We all have something.

Some people compare their fine lines to younger skin. Others compare their size, their skin texture, their postpartum belly, their energy levels. It’s different for all of us, but the feeling underneath is usually the same.

That sense that we have to do something more in order to deserve feeling confident. In order to belong.

The Shift Wasn’t in My Body. It Was in My Mind.

For me, everything changed when I stopped trying to win the comparison game and started listening to my own voice.

I began noticing how often I criticized myself, out loud and silently. I caught myself calling my body names I’d never call anyone else. I started asking: where did I learn this? Who taught me that joy has to be earned through appearance?

From there, I started to reframe the way I looked at myself:

• My stretch marks are a record of life I created

• My laugh lines mean I’ve experienced joy

• If I’ve cried, it means I’ve loved deeply

• If there are dishes in the sink, it means we were fed

  
  

These thoughts didn’t fix everything overnight. But they softened the pressure. And that was enough to start showing up more fully.

I Stopped Hiding. And I Started Living.

This moment is everything I used to keep myself from.

These days, I enjoy summer differently. I don’t avoid the pool or cover up out of shame. I play outside with my kids. I take the picture. I say yes to the invitation.

This moment is everything I used to keep myself from. I used to show up, but not really be there. Now I let myself play, laugh, be seen, and actually feel it.

And no, it’s not because I stopped caring how I look. It’s because I stopped letting how I look decide whether or not I get to enjoy my life.

I still have goals. I still want to feel strong, healthy, beautiful. But those goals come from a place of self-respect now, not self-judgment. That makes all the difference.

What I Want You to Know

If you’re in a season where you feel disconnected from your body, I understand. If you’re saying yes to things but secretly wishing you could disappear from the photo or the moment, I get it.

I’ve been there.

That’s why I do what I do. Through Pumpkin House Nutrition, I help people untangle from the beliefs that keep them stuck. Not just around food, but around worth, confidence, and showing up in their life fully.

Because life doesn’t start when you hit your goal weight or get back to your pre-baby size.

Life is happening now.

And I want you to be in it.